“Gee he/she’s got a big ego!” Have you ever used those words before? Do you really give much thought behind what you are really saying?
I must admit that I have used those words before without really understanding the complexity of our egos.
Today’s blog is going to look a bit deeper at the meaning of ego and how it impacts on our daily lives. Since beginning to write my book “Finding the joy within” I have changed the book title a couple of times. One of the previous titles was “Who am I and what do I know?” I initially thought that it would be a suitable title, because my book is about my search for my identity and ultimately trying to find out “Who am I”.
To my surprise, I have discovered the opposite, which I explain in more detail in my book. I have learned from Aymen Fares – author of “The key to life” that the;
“Ego hides the real you and stops us from remembering who we really are.”
The ego is in actual fact the false self and identity that you show to the world. It is like Nikki De Carteret – author of “Soul Power” says the external mask that we put on for everyone to see.
Our egos are the part of us that drive our emotions and feeling to want, need, desire and accumulate and be more. When we don’t achieve those things or other people do achieve them then we get jealous, envious, angry and resentful. It is then that we become unhappy.
Our ego can only exist by attaching itself to an identity. From an early age we start collecting experiences and material things and begin to strongly identify with them, to the point that we believe that we are them and they are us.
We also begin to believe that we own those things, they are ours and they make up who we are; our identity. We become so attached to these things that when they are gone or we lose them we start to question, if I don’t have my job, my culture, my house, my opinion, then who am I?
So in the attempt to keep our egos in tact it begins to play the “blame game”, which is based on fear. At all costs the ego must continue to strengthen its identity because it fears change.
This is when you see the “big ego” behaviour swings into action.
Eckhart Tolle author of “A New Earth” states that the ego is the blueprint for dysfunction that every human being carries within them.
People get offended and angry, have to be right, are self-centered and put themselves first in an attempt to keep their identity in poll position.
In doing this, people do not learn “How to Win Friends and Influence People” as Dale Carnegie suggests. A great piece of advice being;
“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.”
Yet you can see those who just can’t let a good argument go, are not able to realise that everything is “not about me”. To be the silent observer in the situation, to step back and not become a participant in the human drama, takes a profound amount of awareness.
“Awareness is the first step in healing or change”
Some say that time heals all, but Eckhart Tolle points out that “time is what the ego lives on. The past for your identity and the future for its fulfillment”. The longer that we stay blissfully unaware, the longer it takes for us to remember who we truly are.
So as Eckhart Tolle recommends;
“In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself.”
From a counselor point of view, I agree with Lynn Andrews who wrote a chapter in "Healers on Healing"
“I can not really help you; I can only help you see yourself”.
I love this Youtube video on the ego; get your tissue box ready.
Until next time, be kind to yourself and others! :)
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