The roles we play

How often does what you think, say and do, turn out to be the same?

For me, I know that isn’t very often.

I wish it happened more often because I really do want to be someone that walks the walk and talks the talk.  Though sometimes, no matter how hard you try it just doesn’t seem to match up!

Why is this?

Why can’t I just be the one consistent person all the time?  Why can’t I always be the same person that I really truly love? 

Often our lives are so full of things to do, places to be and people to see that we that we just don’t realise that our life has just become a big masquerade.   Full of drama and acting and masks that we wear.

Now sometimes it feels nice and safe to be able to hide behind a mask and keep the world at bay.  From behind our mask a multitude of excuses LIE.

We hide our shame, our pain, our hurts, our grief, our loss, our guilt, our fear, our anger, our bitterness and our resentment.    

Unfortunately, this can only mask the pain for a short period.  Sometimes instead of hiding behind all of our masks, we need to actually FACE the world.

So next time you look in the mirror, who do you want to see looking back at you?

Check out the following u-tube clip, which is a music clip called "Suddenly I see"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBHzFb0toqc

Take control!

So far my blog posts have related to a range of topics such as Releasing the Anger, Stolen Generations, National Apology, Reconcilliation, Forgiveness and Procrastination.

You will notice that all of these above things involve us “taking action,” us doing something, instead of us being done to!  They all involve us taking responsibility for our lives and our actions, whether they are positive or negative experiences.

Often when things go wrong in your life, it makes you feel better to lay the blame somewhere else, outside of yourself.  In many cases you can say that you had no control over the situation and you were helpless.  It wasn’t your fault

Blame gives you back a sense of power, convincing yourself that it was something outside of your control that made something else occur.  When you do this you will often feel better, but gradually like the sand through an hour glass, a sense of guilt and shame begins to pour back into your mind.  Before you know it, it has rubbed against your sub conscience and you begin to feel raw, exposed and vulnerable to criticism again.  To help defend and justify your actions you have to get more creative, defensive and angry and so the cycle goes on.

When you believe that you have no control over the situation, you begin to believe that you are powerless in the situation.  You seek and attract like minded people who agree with you and support you in your hopeless circumstances.  You start to believe what you are hearing, seeing, thinking and feeling.  You start to think that this is who you are, because everyone and everything around you continues to reinforce your false beliefs. 

It is hard to avoid the descriptive words that highlight the struggle, inequality, discrimination, racism, frustrations, failure, conflicts, violations and barriers that we all have so strongly come to identify with.

How many times have you bought a new car and then the next time when you're driving on the road, everywhere you look you see the exact same car as yours.  Now you and I both know that those great cars, just like yours, have always been there, the only difference is, before now you haven’t been looking for them.

So next time when you hear words that increase your sense of power, pride and self-determination.  Remember that you can embrace those great words and become more resilient, consistent, stronger, open to change and responsible for your actions.  You can take back control of the situation and look for solutions rather than excuses.   
You are in control and you can steer your life in which ever direction you choose.

Until next time, travel safely and enjoy your journey!

The Big Ego Trip

“Gee he/she’s got a big ego!”  Have you ever used those words before?  Do you really give much thought behind what you are really saying?

I must admit that I have used those words before without really understanding the complexity of our egos.

Today’s blog is going to look a bit deeper at the meaning of ego and how it impacts on our daily lives.  Since beginning to write my book “Finding the joy within” I have changed the book title a couple of times.  One of the previous titles was “Who am I and what do I know?”  I initially thought that it would be a suitable title, because my book is about my search for my identity and ultimately trying to find out “Who am I”. 

To my surprise, I have discovered the opposite, which I explain in more detail in my book.  I have learned from Aymen Fares – author of “The key to life” that the;

“Ego hides the real you and stops us from remembering who we really are.”

The ego is in actual fact the false self and identity that you show to the world.  It is like Nikki De Carteret – author of “Soul Power” says the external mask that we put on for everyone to see.

Our egos are the part of us that drive our emotions and feeling to want, need, desire and accumulate and be more.  When we don’t achieve those things or other people do achieve them then we get jealous, envious, angry and resentful.  It is then that we become unhappy. 

Our ego can only exist by attaching itself to an identity.  From an early age we start collecting experiences and material things and begin to strongly identify with them, to the point that we believe that we are them and they are us. 

We also begin to believe that we own those things, they are ours and they make up who we are; our identity.  We become so attached to these things that when they are gone or we lose them we start to question, if I don’t have my job, my culture, my house, my opinion, then who am I? 

So in the attempt to keep our egos in tact it begins to play the “blame game”, which is based on fear.  At all costs the ego must continue to strengthen its identity because it fears change.

This is when you see the “big ego” behaviour swings into action. 

Eckhart Tolle author of “A New Earth” states that the ego is the blueprint for dysfunction that every human being carries within them. 

People get offended and angry, have to be right, are self-centered and put themselves first in an attempt to keep their identity in poll position. 

In doing this, people do not learn “How to Win Friends and Influence People” as Dale Carnegie suggests.  A great piece of advice being;

“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” 

Yet you can see those who just can’t let a good argument go, are not able to realise that everything is “not about me”.  To be the silent observer in the situation, to step back and not become a participant in the human drama, takes a profound amount of awareness. 

Louise Hay – author of “You can heal your life” says that;

“Awareness is the first step in healing or change”

Some say that time heals all, but Eckhart Tolle points out that “time is what the ego lives on.  The past for your identity and the future for its fulfillment”.  The longer that we stay blissfully unaware, the longer it takes for us to remember who we truly are. 

So as Eckhart Tolle recommends;

“In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself.”

From a counselor point of view, I agree with Lynn Andrews who wrote a chapter in "Healers on Healing"

“I can not really help you; I can only help you see yourself”. 

I love this Youtube video on the ego; get your tissue box ready.  

Youtube video "How to win friends and influence people" (3 min)

Until next time, be kind to yourself and others!   :)