Hate to love!

How many times have you heard yourself saying “I really hate it when ……”

I remember when growing up my mum always told me that “hate” was a very strong word and to be careful whenever I used it.  I can honestly say that I don’t hate anyone, but sometimes I think that I hate what they DO, not who they are! 

In the past week I have held 2 new born babies and when I looked into both of their precious little eyes, I knew in my heart of hearts, that there is no such thing as an evil baby, a devil child or a hateful, revengeful, angry, bitter bone in their bodies.  When we are born, we are pure love, no matter what circumstances may have lead to our creation and being ness. 

If we are not born to hate, then hate must be a learned behaviour.  Just as we learn to eat, crawl, walk and talk, we also learn what we like and dislike.  This is all based on our personal experiences or what the people we love tell us from their experiences.

In most dictionaries hate is described as “to DISLIKE intensely or passionately”.    It therefore makes sense that the opposite of hate is love.  Hence, we “LIKE something intensely or passionately.”  

So what are some of the things that we have LEARNED to hate.  Throughout our lives we constantly use our senses to help guide us in our learning.  We are always reacting to how something tastes, feels, sounds, looks or smells.  Some of these things will make us feel good and some of these things will make us feel bad.  All of these experiences are sent to our MEMORY bank and stored for future reference.  These memories are later grouped together with other life lessons and an overall personal judgement is made.

Usually when we come to the conclusion that we strongly don’t like (hate) something, this is based on an accumulation of all of these bad experiences and this decision is intensified when combined with other people’s bad experiences. 

Usually when we don’t like (hate) something we are silently saying that we are quite scared of it.  This is commonly known as FEAR. 

Now the problem is, sometimes FEAR is just;

False-Evidence-Appearing-Real

So before you come to the conclusion that you hate someone or something, perhaps you might want to come back to your SENSES and ask yourself is this TRUE or FALSE!

Until next time! 

Joy

The Big Ego Trip

“Gee he/she’s got a big ego!”  Have you ever used those words before?  Do you really give much thought behind what you are really saying?

I must admit that I have used those words before without really understanding the complexity of our egos.

Today’s blog is going to look a bit deeper at the meaning of ego and how it impacts on our daily lives.  Since beginning to write my book “Finding the joy within” I have changed the book title a couple of times.  One of the previous titles was “Who am I and what do I know?”  I initially thought that it would be a suitable title, because my book is about my search for my identity and ultimately trying to find out “Who am I”. 

To my surprise, I have discovered the opposite, which I explain in more detail in my book.  I have learned from Aymen Fares – author of “The key to life” that the;

“Ego hides the real you and stops us from remembering who we really are.”

The ego is in actual fact the false self and identity that you show to the world.  It is like Nikki De Carteret – author of “Soul Power” says the external mask that we put on for everyone to see.

Our egos are the part of us that drive our emotions and feeling to want, need, desire and accumulate and be more.  When we don’t achieve those things or other people do achieve them then we get jealous, envious, angry and resentful.  It is then that we become unhappy. 

Our ego can only exist by attaching itself to an identity.  From an early age we start collecting experiences and material things and begin to strongly identify with them, to the point that we believe that we are them and they are us. 

We also begin to believe that we own those things, they are ours and they make up who we are; our identity.  We become so attached to these things that when they are gone or we lose them we start to question, if I don’t have my job, my culture, my house, my opinion, then who am I? 

So in the attempt to keep our egos in tact it begins to play the “blame game”, which is based on fear.  At all costs the ego must continue to strengthen its identity because it fears change.

This is when you see the “big ego” behaviour swings into action. 

Eckhart Tolle author of “A New Earth” states that the ego is the blueprint for dysfunction that every human being carries within them. 

People get offended and angry, have to be right, are self-centered and put themselves first in an attempt to keep their identity in poll position. 

In doing this, people do not learn “How to Win Friends and Influence People” as Dale Carnegie suggests.  A great piece of advice being;

“The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.” 

Yet you can see those who just can’t let a good argument go, are not able to realise that everything is “not about me”.  To be the silent observer in the situation, to step back and not become a participant in the human drama, takes a profound amount of awareness. 

Louise Hay – author of “You can heal your life” says that;

“Awareness is the first step in healing or change”

Some say that time heals all, but Eckhart Tolle points out that “time is what the ego lives on.  The past for your identity and the future for its fulfillment”.  The longer that we stay blissfully unaware, the longer it takes for us to remember who we truly are. 

So as Eckhart Tolle recommends;

“In the seeing of who you are not, the reality of who you are emerges by itself.”

From a counselor point of view, I agree with Lynn Andrews who wrote a chapter in "Healers on Healing"

“I can not really help you; I can only help you see yourself”. 

I love this Youtube video on the ego; get your tissue box ready.  

Youtube video "How to win friends and influence people" (3 min)

Until next time, be kind to yourself and others!   :)